Tue, 21 March 2017
Dear Baby Liam,
the time has come to meet your Daddy! He received his visa for family reunion last week, and is coming in two days. What a journey these past 6 years have been for your parents – we were waiting for miracles, trying to reunite your mother and father – with all of our attempts ending up with me flying back to Rwanda, because I could. Often times I felt like standing against a system that is profoundly racist, standing against visa regulations that were impossible to fulfill for someone like your father: an artist without stable income, without the so called “Rückkehrergrund”- a reason to return to his country Rwanda. We would sit together in our neighborhood in Kigali thinking through all the possibilities that we had to finally settle together: with me still in my studies, I could not permanently move to Rwanda, and for him to receive a Schengen-visa was unthinkable under the conditions I mentioned. As I returned almost every time I could, and stayed for as long as I could, Rwanda became home to me.
I know I am not an expert in patience, and people who know me well, who know my sadness and my suffering in all those years of long distance relationship, know that I had my trust issues. But what happens when you have been waiting for something for so long – it is almost 6 years now – that wish you have wished for and patiently held in your heart, is that it suddenly becomes scary because it is being fulfilled.
It is probably right that we are scared of being “powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. (…) ” (- by Marianne Williamson from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles., a post I shared in October 2016). But the quote goes on – “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”. What example can we set with a patience like this!
Now what story we are telling, is a story of deep love, patience, hope. Our story is a reminder to you, telling you: if you really want something, go for it. Believe in it. Never let it get out of your sight. Follow it. You will see your dream come true, and it will surely look different than how you imagined. You will grow on the way, learn, hurt and bloom. Just like I did. But what I can see between this young girl so crazy in love n 2011 and the grown woman picking up the father of her son from the airport to start a new chapter in 2017, it is called life.
Let us enjoy it – the waiting, the dreaming, the fighting for it, the throwbacks, hopeless and hopeful nights. All of this belongs to us and to our story, and we begin writing a new chapter – the three of us together.